


Jean Kirstein x Reader (oneshot)

by liliabla



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliabla/pseuds/liliabla
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Jean Kirstein x Reader (oneshot)

Context: you’re a member of the Survey Corps of which Jean is a commanding officer. The two of you are close comrades, having known one another for a number of years. There have always been underlying tensions between the two of you and the nature of your relationship, especially in more recent years. The events of this narrative are set just before the Survey Corps raid on Liberio and Eren’s acquisition of the War Hammer Titan.

***

You’re walking through the streets of Liberio with the festival in full swing, donning typical Marleyan clothing. There’s a market in the middle of the square, with a copious amount of stalls. Each one boasts a rarity of some kind, one has a man working behind some kind of hotplate as he roasts nuts, another has a pair of old ladies who appear to be rolling out flatbread for their stove. You find yourself entering a sensory overload, as every stall appears to be more overwhelming than the one before.  
The sight of it all makes you cast your mind back to home. To Paradis. Seeing these ostentatious displays of wealth fills you with spite as you begin to compare the two places. Marley was a country that didn’t fear attacks from titans. Instead, it was a country that used them against your people. A country that left you feeling resentful. And while the people of Paradis struggled to feed themselves, the Marleyans were spoiled for choice.  
“I can hear you grinding your teeth from here”. You spin around to see Jean walking closely behind you. The two of you were carrying out a final patrol of the perimeter in preparation for tonight’s raid. Like you, he is dressed in typical Marleyan attire; donning a black bowler hat and matching waistcoat over a buttoned white shirt. “Stop it. You’ll wear them down to the point of not having any” he continues, poking your cheek as the pair of you walked.  
His comments make you scowl as you swat his hand away. Normally you’d make a witty retort about his new promotion making him grow too big for his boots. But to talk about the Survey Corps out in the open would be a near death sentence. So you abruptly stop grinding your teeth and kiss them instead to voice your discontent with his mothering tactics. He looks at you unimpressed. “I know what you’re thinking. The amount of food we’ve seen here over the course of one day is more than we’d see back home in a week.” he murmurs.

Before you can respond you notice a group of four children running across the square shrieking. They move so quickly that you don’t see their faces, just flashes of white hair and a pair of glasses. But what you do see makes you stop in your tracks, making Jean almost trip over you. A blond-haired man, in a white uniform donning a red band on his sleeve. His stubble seemed to accentuate his jawline. You cast your mind back to your training days, a simpler time for everybody. A time that you once thought you were able to fight alongside this man and not against him. Because this man was Reiner Braun. But not as you had once known him. Although he still appeared to maintain his ox-like build, he appears smaller than he once was. His eyes had lost their brightness, he looked sadder now… or was it indifference that made his expression so vacant?   
Immediately you turn over to Jean. He must have registered the panicked expression on your face, as he quickly grabs your hand and leads you to the small alleyway leading off from the square. You feel your heartbeat quickening, and blame it on the fact that you may have had your cover blown. But if that was the case why did your cheeks feel so flushed? Before you can over analyse the interaction, he stops.  
  
“I saw him Jean.” you say as you both stand together in the alleyway. You didn’t need to say Reiner’s name aloud. Jean knows exactly who you meant. His face takes on a shade of white. “Did he see you?” he asks calmly. You try to cast your mind back to mere moments ago before coming to the conclusion that Reiner was too fixated on the four children that had been running around.  
“That’s good…” he starts, before glancing down at something. You sense he’s become a little more awkward for some reason before realising that he’s still holding onto your hand. His hand drops after he notices that you’re also staring at your intertwined hands and for a few moments you stand in silence.  
“Your hands were getting clammy anyway.” you mutter, hoping to make a light-hearted joke out of the interaction. Now it’s his turn to scowl at you. “Anyway-” you continue, cutting him off “We’ve scanned the majority of the perimeter. I think it’s too risky for us to carry out a more thorough patrol. We might get seen by the wrong people again.”. Jean nods, agreeing with your suggestion to return back to the base.  
You continue to stand in the alleyway for a little while longer before he speaks again. “I need to hold your hand again.” he mutters awkwardly, avoiding eye contact yet again. “Oh Commanding Officer Kirstein, at least take me out for dinner first.” you say with a wry smile, finding amusement in his cheeks starting to resemble that of a beetroot.  
“I-it’s not like that. People saw us rushing down here holding hands. They’ll probably find it a bit odd if we come back walking behind one another. Idiot”. But there was no malice behind the name-calling, there never was.  
He quickly wipes his hand on his coat jacket before extending it out to you. “And for the record, they aren’t clammy. That was probably you.” he mumbles.  
  
You take his extended hand as he leads you back the way you came. The market was as busy as before. But Reiner and the four children were nowhere to be seen. Other children were though. Families were walking through the streets, all laughing and smiling at one another. Soon the smiles will be gone. Soon we will have justice. But why does the thought of justice leave such a bitter taste in my mouth? Moments ago you were grinding your teeth at the thought of these people and their lavish lifestyles… surely seeing Reiner hadn’t changed your mind?  
“Jean…” you start before getting cut off. It appears that the two of you have a tendency to cut one another off mid-sentence a bit too much for your liking.  
“I know Y/N. But there’s no other way.” he says solemnly. _How is it that you’re able to so easily read my thoughts and feelings?_ You think to yourself. _Is it because you think and feel them too?_  
Glancing back at the streets of Liberio for a final time you resume your original pace, with his hand in yours. 

***

The evening has arrived faster than you would have liked, although you’re relieved about not having to wear the uncomfortable Marleyan drabs you were lumbered with earlier. “Y/N!” a voice calls out, making you turn on your heels. You knew who it was. The Dauper accent was as clear as day, and thick too.  
“Sasha...” you smile, making your way towards her, meeting in the middle of the room. She looks stern, no… more solemn. “Jean told us about your patrol. Trust the two of you to get into a situation like that.” she tuts, causing you to smile. “Speaking of Jean, where is our beloved commanding officer?”.  
“You’re asking me because…”  
“Because the pair of you tend to keep tabs on one another.” she states.  
Before you can protest Sasha looks past your shoulder “My point’s been proven. Tabs on tabs.” she smirks as you turn around to see Jean. Sasha beckons him over.  
“How come you’ve stopped slumming it up with us Jean? Commanding Officer duties keeping you away?” she teases before Jean rolls his eyes smiling.  
“Something like that.” he says. Joking around like this puts you at ease. Nothing would be the same after tonight, and everybody around you knew it too. Humour masked the gravity of it all.  
“Do you both remember your positions?” asks Jean. Before Sasha gets the chance to make a joke about positions you butt in, wishing he’d phrased things better.  
“Yes. Sasha and Connie will head to the rooftops with their respective unit, and you and I will be stuck with one another.”.  
Jean looks at Sasha, frowning at her. “Am I wrong?” you ask, furrowing your brow.  
“You didn’t tell them…” he starts. “  
Wasn’t my thing to tell. It was your decision. Not mine.” Sasha points out. You give them both a puzzled look. “Are you both having fun leaving me in the dark? Funnily enough, if something had changed I do kind of have to be in the know.”  
“You’re needed on the airship. Hange and Onyankopon need an extra pair of eyes.” says Jean, his voice beginning to waiver.  
“Needed am I? Because judging by what Sasha's just said, you’re the only one that thinks that, Commander.” you state bitterly, shaking your head. Sasha takes this as her cue to exit, with you and Jean remaining.

“I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that you’re grossly underestimating my competence as a soldier, or that you didn’t have the balls to tell me about a decision that you made until now.”  
“This isn’t about your competence and you know th-”  
“Then what the fuck else would it be then Kirstein?”. Your sudden use of his surname makes him wince before he snaps back at you, matching your tone. “Why can’t this be the one time that you don’t interrupt me? Don’t make me spell it out. I’ve already had Sasha chew me out over this.”  
“Well at least somebody’s fighting my corner.” you retort.  
“I’ve been fighting your corner for years. You’re just too dim to realise it.” he snaps back.  
“Realise what? That you think I’m better off away from the action?!”  
“That if anything happened to you because of a command given by me, I’d never forgive myself.” he yells.  
You flinch at that. He was no longer matching your tone, instead he appeared to take on a new one entirely. He notices your reaction and sighs, resting his thumb and index finger on either of his temples before taking a step towards you.  
“You’re too important… to me. And I know that’s selfish... and shitty... and that it's pointless to try and protect you because we end up hopping from one dangerous mission to the next. But I-” he continues, fumbling over his words as he takes your hand into his own. Your mind is cast back to the two of you patrolling the market, and you feel the same burning sensation in your cheeks as you felt then.  
"You’re so many things. Strong, brave, compassionate. But you’re impulsive. And I’ve witnessed too many people lose their lives to impulsiveness. I refuse to add your name to that list…” he’s cut off by the sound of the knocking of the nearby door.  
“Commanding Officer Kirstein” a familiar voice calls out. Floch. Jean groans.  
“We need to go. Now.” he continues. A _t least he has the courtesy to not barge in_ ; you think to yourself. It’s the only clear thought you’ve had in the past 5 minutes. Every thought and feeling you have blur into one another. The burning sensation on your cheeks, your hand in Jean’s, how close he is to you. “I’m sorry Y/N.” he says, dropping your hand as he cups your face. “But I won’t lose you.”.  
Before you can respond he kisses your forehead and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, leaving the room to join Floch. As the door closes you feel the tears rolling down in a silent stream. _You’re such a gobby shite Kirstein. All you do is talk. Why couldn’t you let me get a word in this time?_ You close your eyes, as the feeling of his lips on your forehead lingers. “Y/N? It’s time to go. Hange’s waiting.” you hear Sasha’s voice call out from the other side of the door.  
You quickly pull at your sleeve, using it to wipe your face. The material is itchy and tugs at your skin, leaving it red raw from all the aggressive rubbing you’ve put it through. “Coming.” you respond, your voice hoarse. _You’d better make it out of this in one piece Kirstein. Because if you think I’m letting you have the last word on this you’re dead wrong._


End file.
